Mother Ralph
by Lucyinthesky1996
Summary: REQUEST. Sequel to Parents. Ralph begins to understand what it takes to be a good mother. Contains Mpreg, chaos and a whole lot of silliness. Not to be taken seriously in any way whatsoever.
1. Surprise, Surprise

"You're WHAT!?"

Jack's voice echoed out of the cave and down to the beach below, making the littleuns jump. Simon and Piggy stopped picking berries, their hands frozen in mid air. Roger squinted up at the cave and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh God, what's happened now? Brace yourselves kids, I can feel another domestic coming on."

"You're what!?" Jack roared again, fists clenched, eyes blazing fire. Ralph cowered on the floor, shielding his face with his hands.

"I-I'm sorry Jack…" he trembled as the ferocious beast loomed above him, "…just calm down-"

"Calm down!? Did you just hear yourself!? You just told me you were pregnant! How is that even possible?"

"I-I don't know. But I am Jack, I know I am. I've been vomiting, my stomach's all swollen…I'm definitely pregnant."

"What, and you're saying it's mine?" The hand that held the spear shook.

"Y-yes, it must be yours." Ralph eyed the weapon with great fear, "I-I'm sorry Jack…please don't hurt me…" he started sobbing, hiding his face in his arms.

The sight of Ralph trembling on the floor soothed the bursting anger within Jack and he took a deep breath to cure the shock.

"I just don't get it…" he shook his head, "…you're a boy."

"You think I don't know that? I don't know how it happened, it just did! I wish it wasn't true but it is, it is! You think you've got it bad? I'm the one who has to carry it for the next nine months! And now you're going to leave me, because I'm disgusting! That's exactly what I am to you, disgusting!"

He wailed and curled up into a ball, shoulders heaving from the heavy sobs that wracked his body. Feeling guilty, Jack stooped down next to him and brushed the hair from his lover's face.

"There now Ralph, don't say that." He sat down and pulled the blonde onto his lap, gently rocking, "Please, please don't cry anymore Ralph. I'm not angry. Hush now, you'll make yourself ill."

After a while, Ralph found it within himself to stop crying and stared up at Jack through teary eyes, "You don't hate me?"

Jack smiled at that, "As if I could ever hate you, you daft sod." He leaned down and brushed their lips together, "We're going to get through this, you and me. And I won't pretend that I don't find this situation bizarre because I do. But I made a vow and I intend to keep it."

"But…the others-"

"Will find out sooner or later. But for now we'll keep it to ourselves. Alright?"

Ralph nodded and hugged Jack closer, "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. This is partly my fault as well. It's up to me to take responsibility…wait a minute."

"What is it?"

"Did you say nine _months_?"


	2. Morning Sickness

"That's the fifth time this morning." Simon said worriedly, patting Ralph's back as he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor again, "You must've caught a bug or something."

"Maybe…" Jack muttered awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

SamnEric peered at Ralph's pale face worriedly, "Is Mama okay?"

"Yes…" Ralph muttered, though he was beginning to shiver.

"You better take it easy." Simon patted his shoulder comfortingly, "I'll take care of the littleuns today, you get some rest."

There was no disagreeing with Simon when he took charge. As soon as he and Jack were alone, Ralph sighed.

"They're going to work it out sooner or later."

"Yeah, they are."

"I think it's best we break it to them slowly. Otherwise the little ones may get confused."

"Yeah…" Jack thought a moment, "Listen, why don't I take the boys out with Wemys Madison tomorrow and tell them? You can stay home with Simon."

"That's a good idea. But are you sure you want to go alone?"

"I'm a man Ralph, I can't back down when times are tough. The kids deserve to know."


	3. Telling the kids

"…and that's what pregnancy is."

The littleuns stared at Jack, mouths open so wide they were practically touching the floor.

"Woah…" Percival muttered.

Bill looked stunned, "You did _what_ to Mummy?"

"That's not important!" Jack said quickly, "The point is, Ralph is going to have a baby and we all have to pull together to make sure it arrives in a safe and controlled environment."

The silence hung about in the air for a few minutes until it was interrupted once again by Tom, "So, does this mean we're going to have a little brother or sister?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose."

"Cool…they can share my side of the cave!"

"No they won't!" Petey cut in, "They'll sleep on _my_ side!"

"You don't _have_ a side. You still sleep with Mama because you have nightmares!"

"Well _you_ wet the bed!"

"I keep telling you, it's a medical problem!"

"That's _enough_." Jack snapped, standing between them before a fight could ensue, "We shall cross that bridge when we come to it. At the moment all I want you to do is keep out of Mummy's way. She's going to need a lot of rest and relaxation for the next few months and it's important you don't bother her. Deal?"

"Yes Daddy." they all said in unison, whilst Wemys Madison snorted in agreement.

"Now I want you guys to be mature about this and not go about telling everyone, okay?"

"Okay Daddy."

"Now, are there any questions?"

Percival raised his hand.

"Yes Percy?"

"Does this mean we get to play with you more now Daddy?"

"…next question?"


	4. The secret is out

Jack was sitting outside the cave on a rock, sharpening his spear when Roger came up behind him and clapped him on the back.

"Hey Jack, congrats on the baby. I knew it was only a matter of time before you and Ralph added a little nipper to the family."

"Ta Roge." Jack said without looking up. Then he frowned, "Hey, wait a minute, how'd you-?"

"Hey Jack!" Maurice came running up, "Just heard about you and Ralph. If you need any ideas for baby names, I'll be happy to sort you out!"

"Well thanks but-"

"Jack, Jack, Jack!" Simon came hurtling out of nowhere and surrounded him in a hug, "I can't believe you and Ralph are expecting! That's such great news! I'm so proud of you!"

"But-"

"I think it's best to start with a short name." Maurice said, "Something easy to pronounce but not too informal. Like _James_."

"The kid better be a good hunter." Roger leaned on his spear, "Otherwise there'll be no one to provide the food when we're too old and thin."

"Or maybe Richard..."

"I'm going to be an Auntie…" Simon put a hand over his heart and sighed.

"How'd you guys find out anyway?" Jack asked, bewildered.

"Percival told us."

"He _what_?"

* * *

"And?" Jack growled, arms folded.

"And I'm really sorry I told everybody Mummy was having a baby…" Percival said, head hung.

Ralph sighed, "Well, now everyone knows."

Jack scratched his head, "We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?"

"I highly doubt it."

Jack sighed and slid back against the wall, "This is all my fault."

"Yeah, it is." Ralph went and sat beside him, "But like you said, we're going to get through this. Anyway, I don't know what _you're_ so miserable about. _I'm_ the one who has to carry this thing around for the next nine months!"

"I suppose you're right…"

"Now stop looking so mopey. Go hunting or something, that always perks you up." He gave the red-head a gentle peck on the lips.

"Hey Daddy?"

"Yes Percival?"

"What is S-E-X again? Is it some sort of cake?"


	5. Hormones

It'd been three months since Ralph's announcement and the hormones were beginning to kick in. Ralph would spend most of his time crying, laughing hysterically or yelling as many curses as he could. So most of the time, Jack kept out of his way.

"Hey Jack." Simon came across the down hearted looking chief sitting on a rock, "Why so glum?"

"It's Ralph." Jack said miserably, "We got into an argument over whether a tomato is a fruit or not and he threw me out."

"Sounds like the hormones are kicking in."

Jack buried his face in his hands, "I don't think I can take much more of this."

"You'll be fine. You're chief, remember? You've battled wild pigs. This should be a snap for you."

"I guess so…"

"Trust me, everything will be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"

He took a step back without realising that Wemys Madison (who had now grown quite big) was grazing on a patch of grass behind him.

"Simon, look out!"

Simon suddenly lost his footing and he screamed as he toppled backwards, only for Jack to shoot forwards and catch his arm. Unfortunately, due to Simon's weight, they both ended up toppling over. Wemys Madison, unfazed, waddled off to graze elsewhere.

"That bloody pig." Jack muttered, attempting to lift himself up, "I swear one day I'll-"

He then realised he was lying on top of Simon and their faces were only inches away. Simon giggled as Jack's cheeks soon matched his hair.

Jack grinned sheepishly, "...well _this_ is awkward..."

"…Jack?"

Jack's head shot up to see Ralph standing in front of him, gawping. He suddenly realised he was still on top of Simon and quickly shuffled off, "Ralph! Ralph, what a surprise!"

Ralph's bottom lip started trembling, "I see…I see how things are…"

"What are you talking about?"

"You could have told me!" Tears started to flow, "You didn't need to go behind my back! You could've…" He buried his face in his hands and started sobbing.

Putting the pieces together, Jack gasped in horror, "No Ralph, it's not what you think-!"

"I_ hate_ you Jack!" Ralph yelled, "And guess what? A tomato _is_ a fruit! See? I was _right_!"

He turned and started running back up the slope again.

Simon turned to Jack, "Well don't just _stand_ there! Go after him!"


	6. Jack and Ralph have a little falling out

Roger was woken up to the sound of something smashing and realising it wasn't normal for something to smash first thing in the morning (unless Piggy had been at the salt water again) he decided to investigate. The smash had also woken up Simon and they soon realised the noise was coming for the cave. It became quite clear to both boys, after Ralph was awake enough to bellow as many swear words as he could at Jack, that Mr. And Mrs. Chief had fallen out.

By mid morning, things weren't any better.

"Are they_ still_ arguing?" Piggy asked, walking up to the others on the platform, firewood piled up to his chin. SamnEric nodded in unison, large ripples appearing in the puddles around them from the constant banging coming from the cave.

"For the love of God, what are they even arguing about?" Piggy poured the firewood onto the floor.

"Dunno." Maurice replied, "Probably about commitment issues."

Simon hunched up worriedly.

"Well, don't let them kill each other too long. We need a chief and a dead one won't be of any use to us." Said Roger.

"By the way guys." Said Piggy, "Wemys Madison is acting weird today. Better keep out of his way."

"Yeah whatever." Roger replied, though it was clear that neither him nor anyone else had listened to a word Piggy had said. They were too worried about the fifth ice age that had started in the cave above.

"Well, shall you go or shall I?" Simon whispered to Roger.

Roger paused, considering the offer. It wasn't very fair making Simon risk his life without a fair deal.

"Let's toss for it."

"How'd we do that?"

"My lucky coin." Roger winked at him and took a penny out of his pocket, flicking it.

"Heads!"

"Tails!"

They followed the penny with their eyes as it fell and plopped into the sand, touching neither heads or tails. Roger bit his lip.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" he asked blatantly.

"We haven't got time for this." said Simon miserably, "Someone will be dead by the time we sort this out."

Roger stood up dramatically, "Then there's only one thing for it!"

"We go together?"

"Well I was going to say we knock 'em both out, but ok."

* * *

Let's get back to Jack and Ralph. By now, the two were literally at each other's throats, yelling like demons and getting through about a hundred rocks per second.

"...Plus you're nothing but skin and bone! I refuse to be married to a mad cap savage who looks like he's going to drop dead any minute!" Ralph yelled.

"Excuse me, I seem to recall you ASKING me to get this thin!" Jack fired back.

Roger and Simon were forced onto their hands and knees to avoid being whacked in the head with a rock. But Jack and Ralph were so preoccupied with themselves, they didn't seem to notice the two withering boys watching them fight from the corner.

"Do you think they'll break up the tribe?" Simon whispered to Roger.

"Nah." Roger replied, "I can't see Jack going to all that trouble."

"Oh yeah Ralph? And what about MY womanly needs!?"

"You never know." Simon whispered back, "It may all blow over in half an hour."

**HALF AN HOUR LATER **

"...You think everything's about you ALL the time. Just me, me, me. And you brag about everything, like when you told me you were gay!"

Jack gasped, "When did I tell you I was gay!?"

"YOU SHOUTED IT OUT WHILE WE WERE MAKING LOVE!"

"We've got to do something." Roger groaned

Simon sighed, "Agreed."

"I'll have you know, that pig incident was _your_ fault!"


	7. The break-up

Roger and Simon managed to escape the cave alive and were at this point on the beach again, multitasking. When I say multitasking, I mean they were babysitting the children and thinking at the same time, which they didn't normally do.

"Thought of anything yet?" Simon asked after a while, gently rocking Petey on his knee.

"Nope." Roger replied, carefully sucking at the cut on Bill's thumb whilst the littleun snivelled.

"This is bad. If we don't sort them out soon, this tribe will fall apart."

"It's alright Simon. I'll make sure it never comes to that."

There was suddenly a loud thumping from the cave and as the two peered towards the forest, a group of birds suddenly took flight and came pouring out, squawking in terror.

"Oh God, what are they doing now?" Roger moaned whilst Petey sneezed from the feathers.

"I dread to think." Simon pulled the feathers from his hair, "Come on, let's take these little ones for a walk. We need to do some more thinking."

* * *

Back in Happy Valley, Ralph was busy hurling objects at Jack to make it obvious to him that he wasn't happy.

"Oh yeah Mr. Merridew-Finnegan, VERY mature." Jack snapped as he dodged another rock, "I can see you have the makings of a GREAT mother!"

He ducked as the remains of a pig carcass were flung at him. It broke into pieces just meters above his head.

"Take it like a man, Merridew! To think I let you into my life, my heart, MY BED!"

"What's the big deal? It's not like anyone cares what you're like to sleep with!"

He swerved as another rock narrowly missed his head and smashed against the wall.

"You always said you loved me! That we were going to be together, settle down, have kids! I slaved away in the cave for you, cooking all the meals, caring for our babies! And now I'm four months pregnant and I find you cheating on me with some TRAMP! I ought to CASTRATE you!" Ralph yelled as he hurled just about anything he could grab (including his own shoes) at Jack.

"You know I meant what I said!" Jack argued back, successfully dodging all these items apart from Ralph's shoe which hit a particularly painful part of his crotch, "and nothing happened, how many times do I have to...? Wait, what was that about castrating me-?"

He was cut off as another rock was thrown at him.

"I regret the day I ever met you Merridew!"

"That makes two of us!"

"I hate you, I bloody HATE you!" Ralph yelled as a particularly pointy rock came into the firing line, "It's all your fault!"

"Oh, get over yourself! Just because I showed you a good time!"

"I WAS A VIRGIN!"

"WELL NO LOSS THERE THEN!"

Wemys Madison was passing the cave before the pigskin door swung open and Ralph stormed out, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN JACK!" he shouted tearfully, not looking back as he stormed down the slope towards the beach.

Jack appeared at the cave entrance with a black eye, "MY PLEASURE!"

He turned around to see the Wemys Madison grunting at him, "What you looking at?"

And with that, he turned and stormed back into the cave. And as for Wemys Madison?

He power trotted down that slope like there was no tomorrow.


	8. Divorce settlements

It was a rather dull day on the island. Ralph had isolated himself in a shelter on the beach and Jack remained stubbornly in the cave. No doubt it was lonely. But get either boy to apologise to each other? Never.

"Still not talking to each other eh?" Roger asked Simon as they craned their heads around the entrance of the cave.

"No. I feel we should say something to them."

"C'mon Si, they're married," said Roger reassuringly, "They'll sort it out."

"I hope so…hey, Jack seems pretty down." Simon nodded at the lone figure sitting in the corner of the cave, "Maybe we should talk to him?"

So they walked in quietly, making sure not to startle the red-head. The sight was a little worrying. There was a pig carcass lying in the centre of the cave but it was untouched. There were a line of rocks on the floor, all in order of size. There were noughts and crosses scraped all over the floor. And there, scratching faces onto the ground, was Jack.

When he saw the two at the cave entrance, he grinned.

"Oh hey guys, come on in!"

They were not used to a greeting this cheerful. Jack was normally so refined.

"Um...Jack" Roger asked, examining the graphic pictures of Ralph dying a painful death scraped into the wall, "You okay?"

"Never better. I love it in here. I finally have a castle where I can be king. Life is so much better without HIM around." Jack pounded his fist onto the ground with brutal force.

"Oh…" Simon eyed the mud that had been wiped messily all over the walls, "You've been..._redecorating_ I see."

"Well, it's my new home isn't it? I need to have it to my liking."

Roger cleared his throat, "Right…so about you and Ralph-"

"All taken care of. He sticks to his half, I stick to my half. Everybody's happy."

The twins appeared at the cave entrance, "Hey Daddy? Now you and Mummy are divorced, does that mean we'll get a new Mummy?"

Jack shrugged, "I don't know. Bear in mind, Robert would make quite a nice mother-"

"I don't _want_ another Mummy." Eric said, scuffing his foot on the floor, "I like _our_ Mummy."

Jack patted both their heads, "Look guys, I know this'll be hard to cope with but after a while you'll get used to-"

Suddenly, a voice bellowed from outside, "Hey kids, come back to the house!"

SamnEric turned to see Ralph standing at the bottom of the slope.

"Aww, do we have to Mama?" Sam called back.

"If you do, you can stay up late tonight!"

The twins automatically began running towards the slope, "Oh boy!"

Jack yelled back competitively, "If you come live with me you don't have to wash your hands before meals!"

Before the twins could take a step in the other direction, Ralph shouted, "You can call Piggy fat!"

Their eyes lit up, "_Can_ we?"

And then Jack said, "You can give Wemys Madison a bath!"

After that, it was endless running back and forth towards Jack and Ralph while they shouted.

"I'll take you swimming!"

"I'll take you hunting!"

"I'll let you sass me!"

"I'll let you punch me!"

"You don't have to wear any underwear!"

"We can have Christmas tomorrow!"

Simon plopped his head onto Roger's chest, "I can't take much more of this…"

"Quick, let's go and see if Maurice has got dinner started. All this yelling is making me hungry."


	9. Petey intervenes

"Out of my way Jack! Where are my babies? What have you done with them?"

"I haven't done _anything_ with them! They happen to _live_ here!"

"They're _my_ kids too Jack! You can't stop me from seeing them!"

"You're so selfish Ralph! Have you ever thought about what _they_ want? Maybe they don't want to see you!"

"Oh really? Did you even bother to mention to them that _you_ were the one who cheated!"

"For the last bloody time, I_ didn't_ cheat on you!"

"Quit yelling at me Jack! You know that stress could send me into labour!"

The littleuns huddled together in the cave, covering their ears at the noise. They hated their 'parents' arguing all the time. They'd been doing it a lot since their divorce. Ralph wanted full custody of them but Jack refused point blank.

"I wish Mummy and Daddy would get back together…" Eric said miserably, picking at the dirt on the floor.

"Me too." Percival sighed, "I liked it when they were our parents."

"Maurice said we have to decide who we want to live with from now on." Said Sam.

"Well, Mummy can cook better…" said Bill.

"But Daddy would take us hunting!" Tom cut in.

"This is silly!" Petey leapt up, "I don't _want_ to choose! I want to live with them both! We deserve a say in this! It isn't fair!"

"But Petey-"

"I'm tired of this!" Petey turned and stormed towards the cave entrance, "I going to sort this out!"

"Petey!"

Ralph and Jack were in the middle of a verbal battle when Petey jumped into the firing line, throwing his arms around Ralph's waist.

"Stop it! Please, please, _please_ stop arguing! We don't want you two to get a dee-vorce! We want you to stay together! Why don't you love each other anymore?!"

Ralph stared down at the sobbing figure below him and gently started rubbing his hair.

"I'm sorry Petey. But that's just the way it is. Things have changed and…well…"

"But what about the _baby_, Mummy?" Petey wept, "It needs a mummy and a daddy!"

"Petey…" Jack looked pained, "You don't understand…"

"I know you still love Mama! You talk about him in your sleep! And I know Mama still loves Daddy! You're only mad cos Daddy cheated on you with Aunt Simon!"

Jack growled, "I didn't cheat on-"

"We want you to both get married again! And if you don't we'll…we'll…we'll never eat again!"

Jack scoffed, "You lot? Never eating again? Ha! All you guys ever think about is food!"

"All that's about to change." Petey folded his arms, "Get back together or we'll never touch a pig again!"

Ralph and Jack eyed each other nervously but then the blonde shook his head.

"I'm sorry…" He leant down and kissed Petey on the forehead, "…I wish things weren't like this too Petey. But that doesn't mean I don't love you guys."

"But…" Petey knew arguing was pointless. His parents had made up their minds.

Ralph, a tad reluctantly, took a step back and muttered to the red-head, "I'm sorry for disturbing you…"

Jack watched with some desire as Ralph turned and started walking back down to the forest, shoulders heaving a little. He glanced back towards Petey who was staring after his surrogate mother with great longing and after a while he covered his face with his hands, turned and ran back into the cave away from him. Jack sighed and sat down on one of the rocks, putting his head in his hands.

"I know it's tough Jack." Roger said, coming up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder, "But things will work out eventually."

"But what if it _doesn't_ Roge?" Jack said in despair, "Ralph's mad, the kids hate me, I'm due to be a father soon. And all because of one stupid misunderstanding…"

"Remind me." Roger leaned on his spear, "What _exactly_ did you do wrong?"

"Well…Ralph thinks I cheated on him with Simon."

Roger blinked, "Simon? As in _my wife_ Simon?"

"It's not what you think!" Jack said quickly, "Wemys Madison got in the way and Simon fell over and I ended up on top of him and Ralph…" he broke off and groaned, "Everything's such a mess!"

Roger waited a moment, giving Jack time to pull himself together, "Do you still love him?"

"Who?"

"Who'd you _think_, you clott? _Ralph_."

Jack thought a moment, and remembered how he'd spent most of his nights crying himself to sleep with no one next to him to cuddle with, "Yeah…yeah I do…"

Roger slapped his forehead, "Jack, you_ idiot_…"

"What?"

"You really don't get it do you? You still love Ralph and there's a chance he still loves you."

"So?"

"_So_ what're you waiting for? This may be your only chance! You have to go after him!"

"But-"

"No buts! We're all sick to death with your bickering! Either you call it quits or you kiss and make up! Now what's it to be?"

Jack stared at him, cheeks turning red, "I…"

A scream suddenly came from the forest and Jack turned his head, eyes suddenly wide with fear.

"Ralph…" he breathed.

Without thinking, he grabbed Roger's spear, causing the older boy to topple over and started racing down the slope.

"Jack!" Roger picked himself up, "Jack, are you crazy?! You could get hurt!"

"Watch the kids and make sure Petey doesn't wander off again!" Jack called over his shoulder, "And if I die, you have my permission to call yourself Chief!"

Before Roger could reply, Jack had disappeared into the forest. Simon appeared on the rocks and raised an eyebrow.

"What was all that about?"

"Ralph's in trouble again." Roger turned and fixed his eyes on the smaller boy in front of him, "Besides, we need to have a talk..."


	10. Reconciling

Jack ran as fast as his feet would carry him until he reached the centre of the forest where the trees were at their highest. The cries got louder.

"Help!"

"Ralph?"

"Jack? Jack, help me!"

The red-head shot through the clearing to find Ralph clinging to one of the branches of a tree, white as paper and shaking in fear. Below him, currently pummeling the trunk with its tusk, was the largest pig he'd ever seen, squealing like a demon and ramming its head against the wood.

Jack looked aghast, "…Bloody hell…"

"Yes, indeed Jack." Ralph snapped, "Now could you _please_ give me a hand? My arms are killing me here!"

Jack was unsure of what to do. This pig was big. Bigger than Wemys Madison by far. It looked set to destroy.

He wondered if it was related to Wemys Madison.

"Hang on Ralph." Jack pointed the spear awkwardly at the creature and edged towards it, "I'm coming…"

As soon as he was close enough, he cautiously poked the animal in the side; disgruntling it and making it turn on him instead. He knew what to do after this; he'd been hunting pigs for years. He slowly started circling it, his bravery returning a little as he stared into those dark, provoking eyes. The pig suddenly tossed its head at him, roaring in fury as the red-head dodged and rolled once on the ground before jumping up and regaining his composure. The collision with the ground had caused him to scrape his face and a line of blood ran red from his nose. He wiped the red stuff away and smirked at the moisture on his fingers.

Yep, definitely related to Wemys Madison.

Jack narrowed his eyes, "You wanna dance bitch? Alright then. Let's dance."

He grabbed his spear and lurched forwards, slashing the weapon across the pig's snout so it squealed in agony and started tossing its head again, spraying the blood around. Before it could make another move, the red-head had grabbed some creepers from the floor and pushed it onto its side, tying both its legs until movement was impossible. It struggled and lurched about on the floor and Jack watched in triumph until the creature calmed down and lay there in defeat. Unexpectedly, he went and bent down next to the animal and said, "I win. Now I'm only letting you go if you stay away from my woman."

The animal snorted crossly as if in agreement and Jack leaned over and started cutting it free.

"Don't let me catch you sniffing round here again. Now off you go." He pushed the pig in the opposite direction and watched as it waddled off in a sulk. As soon as it was gone, Jack went and called to Ralph, "It's alright Ralph! It's gone now!"

Ralph hung there, dumbstruck.

"Jack…" he finally remembered how to breathe, "…you saved my life…"

Jack blushed, scratching the back of his head, "Hardly. The worst thing it would have done was sit on you."

"You're bleeding."

Jack felt his nose, "Oh yeah. I am, aren't I?"

Ralph finally found it within him to unclench and slowly made his way down the trunk. When he was in arm's reach, Jack gently caught him by the waist and brought him down to safety.

"Here." Ralph licked his thumb and began gently rubbing at the cut on Jack's upper lip, the way he used to with the littleuns.

"Thanks…" Jack said awkwardly, "…how the heck did you manage to get yourself into that mess Ralph?"

"I don't know." Ralph shuddered at the memory, "It just came out of nowhere…Jack I…I was so frightened…I thought for a moment I'd…" He put a hand over his stomach protectively and his eyes welled up.

"It's alright, it's gone now." Jack took the younger boy in his arms, "I promise, I'll never let you get hurt Ralph. I'll always protect you, okay?"

Ralph's cheeks heated up slightly when Jack hugged him, but soon melted into the embrace, "Thanks Jack…"

They pulled away and laughed nervously, both still shaky.

"I'm sorry…" Jack muttered after a while, "About the children I mean. I should have never-"

"No, it's my fault. I overreacted. I've been an insensitive moron and I'm sorry." Ralph sighed guiltily, "I just wish I could make it right with the kids."

"We can make it work. You can visit them whenever you want."

"It's so difficult now. Seeing as…" Ralph trailed off, slightly embarrassed, "…you see…I've found someone else Jack."

Jack felt like he'd been punched in the gut but was quick to mask it, "Yeah, that figures. Who's the lucky man?"

"Maurice, actually." Ralph smiled faintly, "He's…good to me."

Jack fought not to allow his eyes to glass over. He gave a thin smile and nodded.

"I see…" he turned so Ralph couldn't see that his eyes were overflowing, "…I…I'm happy for you Ralph. I hope he treats you like a queen because that's what you deserve. It was an honour being your husband. I…I hope you find everything you're looking for…"

He started walking back to the slope, allowing a few tears to escape but brushing them away quickly. He paused, however, when Ralph started talking again.

"It's strange…" he said to the floor instead of Jack, "…How I can't stop thinking of you when I'm with him. How I dream of you every night and wake up expecting you to be here." He laughed, eyes wet, "Talk about cliché."

Jack turned around, eyes sore, "Ralph…"

"You're a nightmare Jack Merridew." Ralph went on, "You're stubborn, self-absorbed, self-centred, hot-headed, argumentative, moody – and that's on a good day."

"And you're bossy, ignorant, over-emotional, whiney, self-obsessed and always jumping to conclusions." Jack approached the younger boy until they were only inches apart, "…and that's why I married you, Ralph Merridew-Finnegan."

Ralph tried hard not to look into the blue eyes above him, but somehow couldn't help it, "So…what does that mean?"

Jack smiled, leaning in, "I really don't have to answer that now, do I?"

The kiss was deep and both suddenly realised this is what they'd been longing for all those weeks they'd been separated. Hardly acknowledging the small bump on Ralph's stomach, Jack lifted the younger boy and pushed him against the tree, Ralph's legs crossed around his waist. The blonde moaned and refused to let Jack away from him, not even to breathe. He'd missed all the touches, all the passion. He longed for it, he _craved_ it. After what seemed like hours, Jack finally pulled away and rested Ralph back into his feet. The blonde stroked the other boy's hair for a while, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wedding ring which had been carved by wood.

"I think I'll need to start wearing this again." He said softly and slowly slid it back onto his finger.


	11. Romantic crap

Everything was back to normal.

Jack and Ralph moved back in together, the children got their parents back and Maurice returned to his old, single self. But that didn't really bother anyone else.

But whilst it was sweetness and flowers for the Chief and his bride, the relationship between Simon and Roger was heading in an entirely different direction.

"Simon! Will you come down?! I _said_ I was sorry!"

"Don't even talk to me Roger! I never want to see your face again!"

"Look, I was only acting on instinct! I had to ask you outright!"

"How _could_ you?! How could you think I would ever cheat on you with your best friend?! Couples are supposed to _trust_ each other! How am I ever supposed to be in a committed relationship if my own husband doesn't trust me?"

"I _do_ trust you! Now stop being ridiculous and come down! Getting stuck in a tree will _not_ solve our problems!"

"I am _not_ stuck, I'm _resting_! And there's no way I'm coming down with you in one of your moods!"

"Simon, for the last time, I'm _sorry_! I just had to know! After all, you've always looked up to Jack and…" he trailed off, cheeks heating up, "I didn't want to lose you..."

Simon rolled his eyes, "Of course I look up to Jack! But I'm in love with _you_, not him! You _know_ how I feel about you. How could you possibly think I'd be unfaithful to you?"

"I…" Roger exhaled sharply, "…I just couldn't stand the thought of not having you in my life. I always imagined us settling down, having a place of our own – heck, maybe even having kids! But then Jack told me about the misunderstanding and I just wondered…you know, forget it. You're right. You deserve better than me. You need a man who's stronger. I'm sorry for everything Simon."

He turned miserably, then a soft voice called from above, "Roger, wait…"

Simon climbed down slowly and when he was at the bottom, turned to look up at the older boy.

"Do you love me?"

Roger snorted, "Of course I do. You really think I'd come up with all that romantic crap if I didn't?"

Simon sighed, "Alright then. I accept your apology. But it's going to take me a while to forgive you."

Roger smiled and put his arms around the younger boy's waist, "How does the rest of your life sound?"

Simon pretended to consider the offer and then stood on his toes to catch the older boy in a kiss. Roger took it a step further and lifted him off the ground, something which made the younger boy giggle and deepen the kiss further.


	12. Cuddles in the rain

The day had started off with rain and by the afternoon, it was pouring buckets. This was a pain for the littleuns, as this meant they couldn't go down to the beach and play. It was also a pain for Jack and Ralph, as this meant they were stuck with seven bored children for the rest of the day.

"Petey, stop it." Jack said with annoyance, lifting the littleun before he could poke a snoozing Roger in the eye with a stick, "Go and play with Wemys Madison and keep out of trouble."

Before he scampered off, Petey turned and hugged Jack around the waist, beaming up at him.

"I love you Daddy." He said with a grin.

It was becoming more and more difficult to stay stern when looking into Petey's eyes. He'd grown so much in the past three years. He had a lot more muscle and wasn't as feeble as he used to be. His skin was tanned and he'd had a growth spurt – though he was still a lot shorter than the others. Jack and Ralph knew it was important to tell their kids they loved them everyday so Jack responded by bending down and giving Petey a kiss.

"Daddy loves you too." He ruffled the kid's hair, "Now go and play. Wemys Madison looks lonely."

After Petey ran off, Jack noticed Ralph was sitting in the corner by himself, listening to the rain outside. He went and sat next to his chiefess, sighing in relief as he finally allowed his weary bones to rest. Ralph was a lot paler than usual and when Jack touched his arm, his skin was numb.

"You're cold…" he said quietly.

"I'm fine." Ralph replied, though he shivered immediately afterwards, "Well, it is a _tad_ chilly but-"

Ralph was cut off as Jack removed his shirt and placed it around his shoulders. This provided extra warmth for him, but he worried about Jack, as the red-head was now exposed to the freezing air.

"Jack...what about_ you_?"

"Never mind about me. You need to stay warm in your condition. Besides, you're my wife. I can't have you sitting there, freezing to death."

"But now _you're_ freezing to death." Ralph reached over and touched the boy's cheek, "Oh Jack darling, you're all cold."

"You worry too much." Jack smiled and took Ralph's hand, slowly kissing the tips of his fingers, "I need a bit of toughening up anyway. I've turned into a right softie around the children."

Ralph reached over and brought the red-head into his arms; an action which warmed him up almost immediately. Jack pressed himself against Ralph's body in order to gain more body heat and peered up at the blonde, laughing.

"Normally it's _you_ in this position."

Ralph gave him a sly grin, "Maybe it's _my_ turn to be the chief today."

The littleuns watched from the other side of the cave as the two cuddled together in the corner; Jack curling up like a cat whilst Ralph gently caressed his back. All of a sudden, the rain outside didn't matter anymore.

"I'm glad Mummy and Daddy decided to get back together." Said Percival happily.

"Me too." Said Johnny, "I didn't want them to get a dee-vorce."

"I feel a bit bad for Maurice though." Sam remarked, glancing over at the tanned boy who was gazing longingly over at the couple over in the corner.

"Those two lovebirds." Robert chuckled, going up to Maurice and punching him on the shoulder, "Maybe you should get yourself a 'chiefess' Maurice. Before all the good ones are gone."

Maurice burst into tears.


	13. Cravings

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to eat anything Ralph?" Piggy asked, offering him a wedge of meat from the leftover pig carcass.

Ralph retched and shook his head quickly, eyeing the sickening, greasy animal lying dead on the floor. He'd been in a strange mood lately and had developed a distaste towards nearly everything. Everything including pig - which was a problem as they practically depended on pigs to survive. Jack knew it was important for Ralph to eat (seeing as he was now almost halfway through his pregnancy) and gently tried to convince him to at least try a piece of fruit.

"I can't…" Ralph said, eyeing the melon wearily, "I don't get what's wrong with me….I just can't stand food anymore."

"There's got to be something you want to eat."

"Well…there is _one_ thing..."

"What?" Jack asked, desperate to get Ralph eating again. He was getting thin (apart from the slightly obvious bulge in his stomach.)

"I want tea."

Jack double glanced, "Tea?"

"Yes." Ralph's eyes looked unfocused, "Lots and lots of tea."

"But…" Jack gave him a questioning look, "You hate tea…"

"I used to." Ralph's cheeks went red, "But I really feel like some now. I would kill for some."

"But we haven't got any."

"I know…" Ralph groaned and rested his head on the cave wall, "What am I going to do?"

Jack thought a moment, "Is there any thing else you feel like eating?"

Ralph thought a moment, then mumbled, "Cinnamon muffins…"

"Ugh."

"I don't get what's wrong with me." Ralph felt his swollen stomach, "But I have a feeling it's something to do with this little one in here."

"My mum said she couldn't stop eating salt and sardines when she was pregnant with me." Jack said, "She called it 'cravings' or something."

"Well, I hope they stop soon. Otherwise I'll waste away into nothing."

"There's got to be _something_ you feel like eating."

Ralph thought a moment and then said, "You know...I haven't been all that keen on fruit lately but...maybe a mango will do?"

"A mango? Well, I can fix that. I'll go and pick one for you."

"But it's still pouring with rain."

Jack smirked and caught the younger boy in his arms, dipping him sideways, "For you Ralph, the sky's the limit."

"Oh Jack…"


	14. Naughty games and the baby kicks

"How about Alice?"

Jack wrinkled his nose, "_Alice_? That's a bit girly, don't you think?"

"I think it's a very pretty name." Ralph said, carefully rubbing his stomach, "But if you don't like it, we can pick something else. Like…Olivia."

"Olivia's too formal." Jack cut in.

"Okay…what about Stella?"

"Hmm, getting better. What makes you so certain it's going to be a girl anyway? I bet you Piggy's glasses it's a boy."

"What makes you say that?"

Jack chuckled as if it was obvious, "My dear Ralph, haven't you seen the movies? The chief always has a son to be his heir."

"Yes, well this isn't a movie Jack. I'd _love_ to have a girl. Can't you imagine how cute she would be? I could do her hair and take her out swimming..." he sighed at the thought.

"I hope it isn't a girl."

"Jack!"

"I mean it Ralph. If we have a girl, it'll ruin things. Now if we had a _boy_, that would be an entirely different matter."

"And why's that?" Ralph folded his arms.

"I could take him hunting with me."

"You could take a girl out hunting."

"Honestly Ralph, you know as well as I do that girls can't hunt."

"Sexist!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"_Anyway_, a good sturdy boy's name is something long and complex. Like…Alexander."

"_Alexander_? Give me a break. Alexander sounds pathetic."

"Oi, Alexander's my middle name!"

"Well that just _proves_ it's pathetic."

Ralph suddenly squealed and made an attempt to run away as Jack rocketed forwards and started chasing him around the cave. In the end, Jack caught him and aimed a well deserved smack to his backside.

"Ow! Jack!" Ralph giggled, "Let me go!"

Jack held onto him, grinning, "What do you say?"

"Erm…let me go _now_? Ow! Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Ralph struggled, overcome with laughter, "I'm sorry! You're not pathetic."

"And?"

"And Alexander's a great name."

"_And_?"

"_And_ you're the greatest, most beautiful husband in the whole world and I love you."

Jack smirked and let Ralph go, pulling him onto his lap so they were nose to nose, "You've been a naughty boy."

Ralph grinned, taking Jack's chin with his thumb and forefinger, "Thank you for punishing me Chief."

Jack growled like a wolf and playfully buried his face in Ralph's neck, making the blonde boy giggle even more.

"Is Alexander _really_ your middle name?"

"Yep. Do you _really_ think it's pathetic?"

Ralph thought a moment, "Actually, I think it sounds quite noble. But let's wait until the baby is born to decide. That makes it more of a surprise."

"Fair enough."

The red-head leaned in for a kiss when Ralph suddenly gasped.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

Ralph clutched his stomach, eyes suddenly glassing over. Jack started to panic.

"Are you going to be sick again? If you are, make sure you do it outside. We don't want Petey slipping in it again-"

Ralph suddenly grabbed Jack's hand and placed it on his stomach. There were tears of joy in his eyes.

"It's kicking." He gave a trembling smile, "It's kicking Jack..."

Amazed, Jack placed his hand over Ralph's stomach and felt the bumping against his palm. It was suddenly all too real, all too alive. It dawned on him that he was actually going to be a father.

It made him smile.

He kissed Ralph's forehead and gently ran his fingers through that blonde hair, using the other hand to gently massage the bump which would soon be his son or daughter.


	15. Replacement

"Samn_Eric_! How do you ever expect us to get the baby's cradle finished if you two keep falling over and crushing it!" Ralph snapped, glaring down at the two of them with his hands on his hips.

"It wasn't my fault! Eric pushed me!"

"Did not!"

"I don't care who pushed who. Go and bother your father, I'm busy."

The twins found Jack dozing outside the cave and hastily shook him awake.

"Wh…what the-?"

"Daddy, we're _bored_." Whined Eric, "Mummy is building the baby a bed and she won't let us help."

"Well, no wonder." The red-head replied, rubbing his tired eyes, "You keep falling over and sitting on it as soon as it's built."

"It's not my fault Sam has a huge arse."

"I heard that!"

"That's enough." Jack said firmly, standing up, "If your mother wants some private time, you'll give her some private time. Bear in mind she _is_ five months pregnant."

Sam muttered in annoyance.

"Daddy…" Percival came lolloping over, flopping all his body weight onto Jack's lap, "I'm bored. I want Mummy to tell me a story."

"_I_ could tell you a story."

"But you can't do all the voices."

"There's got to be _something_ else you want to do. Why don't you go and see what your cousin Robert's doing?"

"He's giving Wemys Madison a bath." Said Percival.

"Well, what about Piggy?"

"He'll just tell us about his hometown in Camberley." Said Sam.

"Yeah. The same story, over and over again." Johnny shook his head at the memory.

Jack looked over at Petey who so far hadn't voiced his opinion, "What about you Petey? You've been very quiet. Got anything to complain about too?"

Petey licked his lips nervously, "…does this mean I won't be the littlest anymore?"

"What do you mean?"

"When the baby comes, I won't be the littlest anymore." He hunched up tightly, "Mummy says I'm her baby but…she'll have her own baby soon."

The other littleuns went quiet a moment, as if they were all thinking the same thing. The pain passed through to Jack and he reached over to touch the boy's hair.

"Don't be a dope. Of course you're still Ralph's baby. You'll be his…second to last baby. That's all."

Petey blinked up at him through his amber eyes, "Are you sure?"

"C'mon, when have I ever been wrong?"

"Well, there _was_ that one time-"

"As I said, everything will be fine. Now who fancies going swimming? I sure Ralph will have finished by the time we get back."


	16. Quality time

"We should do this more often Ralph." Simon said, as they spread themselves out on the sand, "Just the two of us, having some quality time together. A fantastic opportunity to catch up on the latest gossip and get a great tan. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Indeed I do Simon. And the best part is that I don't have any kids around to bother me for half an hour. Or a husband for that matter."

Simon sighed, "I will _never_ understand men. I mean, Roger will waltz in at midnight every night and still expect me to be in the mood for some 'fun time.' I mean, doesn't he know I need my beauty rest? This skin didn't become perfect on its own. It took a lot of rest and plenty of fresh rain water."

"I know what you mean Si. Jack's the same. I think it's all about the physical stuff with him. Sometimes I want to just sit down and talk to him, you know? I mean, I don't mind playing a bit rough now and again but come on, he doesn't have to be grabbing my arse every minute of the day – _especially_ around the children."

"But he's a lovely one, your Jack. I mean he's every good thing in one. He can sing, he has a great body, he's sweet, funny, good-looking, athletic and great with kids. What more could you ask for?"

"I suppose." Ralph sighed dreamily, "I remember the first day he told me he loved me. It was whilst I was building shelters - just over there, you see? He just came out of nowhere and we talked and…well…those three words just slipped out of his mouth."

"N'aaaw _sister_!" Simon giggled, "I remember when Roger first told me. It was whilst we were fire watching. He just turned around, took me in his arms and said those three words."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"I suppose we're both lucky to have a decent man. But I worry sometimes."

"About what?"

"Well…I worry that Jack will find me unattractive eventually. I mean…there is a bit _more_ of me now."

"It's called _pregnancy_ Honey." Simon patted Ralph's bump, "As soon as the little treasure's out, you'll pop back to your old self again."

"Really?"

"That's what my mum always said."

"Ta Simon."

"Anything for a girlfriend…oooh, did you know that mango juice is actually really good for your hair if mixed with rainwater?"

"Of course I do. I heard it from Robert who heard it from Johnny who heard it from Piggy who heard it from _you_."

"Well, it's totally true! I mean, have you _seen_ Robert's hair? It does wonders on split ends. And darling, look at me." He fingered the ends of his hair, "My ends are _history_."

"I could use some of that."

"Then let's treat ourselves. And after we've done our hair, maybe I can arrange for Robert and Maurice to give us a private shoulder massage." He gave Ralph a wink.

"Simon, you naughty thing. We're both married you know."

"That doesn't mean we can't have some fun in our lives. _C'mon_, Jack will never know. You in?"

"Well, I've never been one to say no to a makeover before."

* * *

"We should do this more often Jack." Roger said, stretching himself out on a heated rock, "Just you, me and a perfectly good match to watch."

"You said it Roge." Jack replied, looking down at the littleuns who were having a football match on the beach below, "Percival! The aim is to _kick_ the ball, not run away from it!"

"So how're you feeling about this baby coming then?" Roger asked, taking half of a coconut filled with water and tipping it down his throat.

"Pretty happy. I think it'll be nice have another little one running around."

"Yeah well, I'd hardly know."

"You ever think about having kids Roge?"

"Me? Nah, not a family man myself. And if I had kids, I'd never get any quality time with the missus."

"You'd be surprised Roger. Our kids actually brought us closer together."

"That's 'cos they all look up to you. And a chief needs lots of kids. Then there'll be plenty of heirs. Ever thought about who'll take your place when you stand down? I mean, someone will have to stand in until the baby is old enough."

"Not really. I thought maybe one of the twins would be a good chief, seeing as they're the oldest."

"Not a good move. They'd be fighting constantly. The last thing you want is a tribe ripped apart by feuding brothers."

"Percival's quite responsible."

"Yeah but he's too short. You can't have a short chief."

"What about Petey?"

Roger raised his eyebrows, "_Seriously_?"

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Jack said quickly, "Right now all I need to worry about is making sure I compliment Ralph every minute of the day. I just don't understand that boy. He's convinced he's hideous when he's anything but."

"Yeah, Ralph _is_ pretty hot. I mean, look at those legs."

"_Tell_ me about it. It's like they never end." He sighed contently at the image in his head.

"And what about Simon's hips? You wouldn't see hips like that on any kind of woman my friend."

"That's true. We're lucky, aren't we? Got a pair of fit birds, have a whole tribe who respects us."

"Yeah. I'm beginning to feel like I don't want to go home. What do you think?"

"Still undecided. We've been here almost four years now. It'd be nice to go home but…well, the boat can take its time. I've got a great life here. I have a gorgeous wife, seven gorgeous kids. What more could I possibly-? Oh come on! How was _that_ a penalty? Alright, which idiot made Piggy the referee? For God's sake Johnny, get your arse down that pitch or so help me, I'll do it for you! Petey, you suck up those tears right now! I don't care if your feet hurt. You're playing with a coconut, what do you expect?"


	17. Old choir robes

"Ralph, can you come here a moment?"

"What is it Jack?"

The red-head looked embarrassed for a moment, "There's…there's something I want to show you…"

"What is it?"

Jack turned around and Ralph saw he was holding a long piece of fabric in his hands. It was slightly ripped but appealing none the less; black and silky and trailing across the floor.

"What's that?" the blonde asked, reaching out to touch the smooth fabric.

"It's my old choir robe."

Ralph felt a warm feeling gush into his stomach, "You were wearing it-"

"-when we first met." Jack finished off, giving Ralph a gentle smile.

"I remember how handsome you looked." Ralph said, heart fluttering at the memory.

"I remember how beautiful _you_ looked."

Ralph glanced down at his ripped shorts and the shirt which he'd worn since they'd first arrived on the island. He hadn't grown out of them because he was so thin. In fact, they hung off him more than they had before.

"Look at me now, eh?" He mumbled, scuffing his foot against the floor.

Jack went over and pressed their lips together, "You're _still_ beautiful. And we're going to have a beautiful baby together."

"I don't deserve you Jack."

"No, you don't. You deserve someone much better."

Ralph laughed, "Since when did _you_ become the romantic type?"

"Since you fell from heaven and stole my heart." Jack grinned, putting his arms around the blonde's neck, "How's_ that_ for romantic?"

"That was awful Jack."

"I can do a lot worse." Jack wet his lips and glanced down at the cloak again, "…I want you to have this Ralph."

Ralph's smile disappeared, "What? But…I can't-"

"I _want _you to have it. It'll keep you warm and besides, a chief always give his chiefess his most prized possession."

"But it means so much to you."

"I know." Jack sighed, "I know it does..."

He took a step forward, carefully draping the black fabric around the younger boy's shoulders. The cloak was warm and went down his feet, creating a soft and comfortable blanket. Ralph felt safe in it, as if nothing could ever hurt him again. He felt Jack wind his arms around his waist and gently nuzzle his face into his neck.

"…but _you_ mean more."


	18. Nightmares

All he could feel was pain; a horrible burning from down below as he pushed as if his life depended on it. He could feel the blood on his legs and there was too much of it. But it wouldn't go away; it just kept pouring, gallons and gallons. He could feel iron hands gripping either side of him, telling him to push. But he couldn't, the pain was too much.

And then he cried out and something left him. He was lighter again.

_Silence._

It shouldn't have been quiet. There was something missing.

He looked down but all he could see was darkness.

And then a cold voice above him cried, _"He's not breathing!"_

And then he saw it. The small, pale, stiff figure. Naked, lips blue from the cold. Mouth open, dead before it could take its first breath. The tears flow from his eyes like blood.

And then he screamed.

* * *

Ralph jolted awake and immediately descended back into hysterical sobs as the image of a dead baby flashed across his mind again, torturing him. He put his hands over his ears with false hope the image would go away but it stuck there, wrenched into his brain. He felt arms around him and he quickly struggled, trying to wriggle out of their grip.

"Let me go!" he wept, "Leave me _alone_!"

And then a familiar voice brought him back to reality, "Ralph! Open your eyes!"

He froze and realised he was in Jack's arms and the red-head was staring at him in mild terror. He'd woken the others and all the littleuns were huddling behind Roger, trembling. His forehead was sweating. There was no blood, no cold voices.

And when he felt his stomach, there was still a bump.

"Ralph…" Jack was panting, "…what the heck happened to you?"

The imaged flashed back and Ralph resumed in weeping, burying his face into the crook of Jack's neck.

"It was horrible…" he sobbed, his body still shaking, "Just _horrible_..."

Jack took his time gently rocking the younger boy, not caring if anyone else saw. When Ralph got to the stage where he was sore from all the crying, Jack decided to speak.

"Ralph, my darling, what happened?"

Ralph's lips trembled and he stuttered, "The baby…our baby…"

He sank his teeth into his lip and couldn't go on.

"Did you dream that something bad happened to the baby?"

A stiff nod was Jack's reply.

"Oh Ralph…" He pulled the blonde back into his arms and ran his fingers through his hair, "Don't cry, it'll be alright."

"You poor thing…" Simon went and knelt by his other side, rubbing his back, "It's okay honey. Nothing's going to happen."

"B-but what if it does?" Ralph sniffed as Jack gently kissed the tears away, "B-babies die at birth, I-I've heard about it. What if-?"

"Sssh…" Jack silenced him and started rocking again, "It was just a nightmare Ralph. Nothing will happen, I promise."

"Please…" Ralph's voice was pained and fearful, "Please don't let anything happen to my baby. Please Jack, I'm begging you..."

He sobbed again and put his head on Jack's lap, refusing to look up or do anything. Jack felt his own eyes go moist and tenderly caressed Ralph's back, feeling his heart wrench as the aching sobs muffled against him. From the corner, the others watched sympathetically. Simon reached over and gently began stroking as well, feeling the tears poke at his eyes. He hated seeing anyone cry. It was the worst thing in the world to him.

Slowly, his opened his mouth and began singing an old hymn the choir boys used to sing in church back in England. It was a quiet song; quiet but passionate and Simon's pretty voice added to the sweet texture. After a while, Bill began singing too, quietly at first but then blending in with Simon's harmony. Recognising the tune, Maurice and Robert joined in and slowly but eventually, so did Roger.

Soon the cave was filled with a flowing melody which floated through the air and nestled into the hearts of each one of the boys, making them all tired. After a while, most of the littleuns were asleep and Piggy was snoring behind his glasses as usual. Ralph had stopped crying but still refused to move from Jack's lap, in fear the image would return if he opened his eyes. Jack's lip trembled and he slowly began singing under his breath, his voice coming out the sweetest of them all.

After a while, Ralph found the courage to lift his head and stare into those sky blue eyes as a hand drew out and wiped the remaining tears away. After a while, the song ended and silence settled in again, whilst the red-head wound his arms around his chiefess once more.

Simon went over and hugged him from behind, "Everything will be fine Ralphy. We promise you that." He planted a soft kiss on Ralph's head.

When he'd found his voice again, Ralph whispered with a watery smile.

"Thank you…"


	19. Bad timing

It'd been a long nine months. But they'd pulled through.

Now all they had to do was wait for the baby to come. It was due any day now.

"I wish it'd hurry up." Percival would say, gently poking Ralph's stomach, "Why is it late Mummy?"

Ralph smiled, "I don't know, baby."

"Maybe it's asleep." Said Petey, "Should we wake it? Maybe if we shout loud enough it'll hear us."

"The baby will come out when it's ready." Said Simon, quickly steering them away, "Now let your mother rest."

Ralph was worn out. He rarely left the cave anymore and was always tired. Roger was now in charge of the hunting trips as Jack was by Ralph's side 24/7 now, in case he went into labour. Simon looked after the littleuns most days and Piggy was in charge of walking Wemys Madison (which was easier said then done.)

Ralph sighed, pacing the cave whilst massaging his stomach at the same time.

"I wish it'd hurry up and come." He muttered to Jack who was sitting on a rock watching him.

"It'll come eventually. We just have to wait."

"I'm sick of waiting."

A wave of pain passed through the blonde and he winced, going over to one of the rocks and leaning on it. More waves of pain passed through his abdomen and he put his arms on one of the rocks, resting his head on them. His breathing got slower.

Jack peered at him worriedly, "Are you alright?"

Ralph's eyes suddenly squeezed shut as the pain overtook his body and he winced again. Jack went over and gently began rubbing his back as the wincing was accompanied by a few gentle sobs. After a while, the pain subsided and Ralph took a deep breath lifting his head.

"Damn contractions…" he muttered, wiping his eyes.

A few hours passed and they sat there in stony silence, not knowing what to say to one another. Ralph dreaded every moment; every twinge of pain and he worried the baby was coming then and there. But each time was a false alarm. The feelings were mixed; part of him didn't want to give birth at all. The other part wanted it to hurry up and happen. He paced about constantly, wishing the pain would stop. It made him feel sick. It made him feel angry.

"This is all your fault…"

The red-head stopped scraping pictures onto the floor and stared at him, "What did you say?"

"It's all your fault I feel like this, you unthoughtful bastard!"

Jack blinked. He knew how Ralph felt about cursing.

"Ralph, honey, you're not making any sense-"

"_You_ were the one who knocked me up and got me pregnant!" Ralph spat, getting up and marching towards the taller boy, "This is all your doing! Well, I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy that I feel like absolute crap! Congratulations Jack!"

"What is the _matter _with you?" Jack felt his patience growing thin, "Do you think I'd _deliberately_ want to hurt you?"

"Who knows what goes on in your head Jack?! You're capable of many things! Like cheating on me with Simon for example!"

"For the twenty billionth time! I did not cheat on you with Simon! You were just so overwhelmed by hormones that you jumped to conclusions, you stupid bitch!"

Ralph stared at him, "What did you just call me?"

"You heard me Ralph, I called you a bitch! You're a bitch and a slut and a filthy _whore_!"

Ralph took a step back, eyes welling up.

"I mean, how do I even know the baby is _mine_?" Jack snapped, "You'd sleep with anyone, you're so _desperate_!"

"No..." Tears seeped down Ralph's cheeks.

"It could be Roger's, Maurice's, Robert's…heck, it could even be _Piggy's_!"

"It's _yours_!" Ralph yelled; face damp, "I would never-!"

"Do you know what? Leave it! I'm sick of this Ralph. If you want to be an insufferable brat all the time, then fine! You don't want me here so I'm leaving! Have this bloody kid on your own! See if I care!"

He turned and stormed out of the cave, as Ralph took a desperate step forward.

"Jack! Darling, I'm sorry! Please don't-!"

He gasped suddenly, as he felt something wet trickling down his leg. It wasn't blood, it wasn't thick enough. It was water; trickling at first and then beginning to gush out all too quickly. His stomach jerked and he sank to the floor, clutching his abdomen.

"Jack…" he gasped, "…Jack…help…"


	20. Hell breaks loose

Jack tore along the forest, cursing under his breath.

"Stupid, ungrateful little brat…" he muttered, kicking the leaves off the floor, "After all I've done for him, he turns around and says that! I ought to-"

He stopped to catch his breath and realised that he wasn't angry at Ralph. He was angry at himself because it_ was_ his fault. _He_ was the one who had given into natural urges, _he_ had got Ralph pregnant. He remembered what he'd said to the blonde and winced. How could he have been so insensitive? Ralph was _pregnant_. It was the hormones talking, not him.

Feeling an idiot, he turned and rushed back towards the cave, thinking up all kinds of the apologies as he ran.

Ralph lay in the cave gasping, legs wet, forehead beaded with sweat.

"Help!" he screamed, "Somebody help me!"

No reply came and he began sobbing in terror as pain overtook his body and the water pooled around his feet. Again, he lifted his head and screamed.

"Help!"

"…Ralph?"

The faint voice from the mouth of the cave came as a blessing, "Simon! Simon, help me!"

Simon came rushing over and as soon as he saw Ralph, all the colour left his face.

"Oh my God…"

"Please help me." Ralph wept, clinging to him, "It hurts so much!"

Simon did his best to settle the child, gently laying him down in the proper position for birth and running his fingers through his sweaty hair.

"It's alright Ralph; you're going to be fine."

"What's going on?" Roger appeared at the mouth of the cave, peering at them, "What the-?"

"Roger! Go and find Maurice and tell him to get water!"

"Jack…" Ralph gasped, "…get…Jack…"

Roger nodded and quickly ran out again, leaving the other two boys alone.

"I need you to take deep breaths Ralph." Simon instructed, "Just keep breathing."

"I…I can't…"

"Sssh." Simon started stroking his sweaty brow, trying to calm the younger boy, "For goodness sake, where's Jack when you need him?"

Jack had just reached the bottom of the slope when Roger came hurtling out of nowhere and almost knocked him flying.

"Roger? What are you-?"

"Come…quick." Roger gasped for breath, putting his hand on Jack's shoulder to support himself, "Simon needs water, the kids are going nuts and Ralph's giving birth…right…_now_…"

"He's _what_?!"

Without waiting for an answer, Jack grabbed Roger by the wrist and began dragging him back up the slope.


	21. Pain

"Quick, put it down there." Simon urged Robert to move faster as he entered carrying half a coconut full of water.

He carefully pulled Ralph's arms away from his stomach so that he could rest his own hands on it, closing his eyes as he focused on what was happening inside the child's body. Back in England, he'd seen this kind of thing on TV numerous times (when he was supposed to be in bed) and hoped the little knowledge he had was enough to help his poor friend.

"It hurts!" Ralph sobbed when the pain returned stronger than before. "It hurts... so much!"

At that moment, the chief entered like a lightning bolt, Roger not far behind. As soon as he saw Ralph, the red-head ran to his side, doing his best to soothe the agonized child.

"What's happening?" he asked Simon, his face already flushed.

"The baby…" that's all that managed to leave Robert's stunned lips.

Jack watched him nervously, visibly shaken by what was happening. He sat on the floor quickly, Ralph's head resting in his lap, nervously running his fingers through the sweat-soaked golden locks in an attempt to calm his chiefess, though he needed some comforting himself as he was almost as distraught as the boy in labour.

After a while, Simon removed his hands from Ralph's stomach.

"What is it?" The hesitation annoyed Jack, "Tell me!"

Simon sighed with relief, "So far everything is progressing normally. The baby should be ready to come soon. I can massage his abdomen for a while to lessen the pain but that's all I'm afraid."

Ralph sobbed at his words and turned his tear-stained face against Jack's body.

"Make it stop, please..." he begged weakly, "Please! It hurts so much!"

Jack shook his head. "I can't, my darling. I'm sorry..."

Ralph whimpered, his hands gripping Jack's arm so hard that he left nail marks in his skin. Simon massaged his abdomen for a while but it didn't seem to have much effect. Every now and then another wave of pain would pass through and he'd cry out.

"Jack…" he sobbed in his anguish, "Where's Jack?"

"I'm here" The red-head whispered to him, "I'm here…"

"Don't leave me…please Jack don't leave…"

"Hush." He placed a kiss on that sweaty forehead, "I'm never leaving you again, my beauty, I promise. You poor thing. You poor, sweet thing…"

Ralph suddenly doubled up again.

"Help..." he continued to plead, but the only thing Jack could do was caress his hair and hold him when another wave of pain ripped through his body.


	22. Roger the midwife

Jack had no idea how long this continued.

It felt like hours to him and from the way it began to get brighter outside it certainly had been hours. Ralph was in a fit of pain yet nothing seemed to be happening. The chief longed for a glance of his son or daughter but the baby remained stubborn, hidden within the womb. Ralph was so exhausted by now that once the pain lessened he fell into a light sleep, only to be awakened some minutes later by a new contraction which seemed to tear him apart inside. He had screamed so much already that his voice was croaky, but his body still refused to go on with the birth.

"How much longer?" Jack finally asked when Ralph had once again succumbed to his exhaustion.

Simon shook his head, "I can't say... it can take hours. He's so weak I'm afraid for him if it takes much longer. I don't know how long his body can withstand it..."

Jack closed his eyes and bowed his head, "You can't die, my sweet, do you hear me?" he said quietly, a sense of anger in his voice "I love you and I won't allow it! Fight! Or are you really as weak as everyone thinks?"

Ralph sobbed softly although he was already too far gone to be able to understand what was being said. Jack, tears now spilling down his cheeks, bent further towards him.

"I'm sorry…" he wept, "I-I didn't mean it, I was angry…please forgive me…"

Ralph moaned Jack's name as the red head pulled him closer so his face was gently pressed into his neck. Roger paused, before putting a hand on his friend's back, kneeling beside him to offer some comfort. Outside, Piggy and Maurice sat with the littleuns who were all pale and trembling.

Eric chewed his nails nervously, occasionally casting a glance at Sam, who shared the same amount of concern. Petey was sobbing into Maurice's neck, muttering, "Mummy's dying, mummy's dying…"

Everything became silent again; until the only sound in the cave was the rasping, shallow breathing of the blonde boy, while Jack closed his eyes in despair and held the thin, shaking body close.

Everyone had thought it impossible that Ralph would be able to withstand any more pain, and yet hours later the youth was still shaking in Jack's arms, his body feverish and wet with sweat. And Jack could do nothing for him but hold him and try to soothe him, although he didn't think that Ralph could understand what was being said to him.

"Do something!" he snapped at Simon, "He can't go on like this!"

Ralph had his eyes closed, no longer reacting to what was happening around him.

"There's nothing I can do." Simon replied calmly, "The only thing we can do is wait."

"But it's been hours! Look at all the blood! He's going to die!"

"We just need to keep calm and see what happens."

Jack gritted his teeth, wiping the frustrated tears from his eyes and concentrated on holding Ralph who once again began to weakly struggle against the pain inside him. Of course it was no use getting angry, of course he knew that there was nothing they could do to speed this up. He just couldn't stand the waiting. Ralph tensed once more and weakly gasped his name, causing Jack to grow even more agitated. Ralph looked to him for help, he trusted him and right now the chief felt more helpless than ever. He felt like he had somehow betrayed the blonde, and this feeling was something he didn't like.

"Damn it!" he finally exploded when Ralph shuddered once more in his arms, more blood spilling onto the floor, "He's going to die!"

"Yes," Simon said, "He _will_ if you continue like this."

Jack narrowed his eyes at him, "What the _hell_ are you implying?"

"You're not making this any easier, Jack. Just be silent, close your eyes if you have to, and _hold_ him. Don't let him slip away! If you continue like this, he might just decide that all this pain isn't worth it if his only reward is to be being yelled at by you!"

Jack stared at the green-eyed boy, silenced by his sharp words. How dare he speak to him in such a way? If he hadn't been so preoccupied with Ralph he would have gone and walloped the living daylights out of him. He hated Simon for being able to stay so calm although the situation was becoming more and more dangerous for Ralph. But despite his agitation, he was still able to see the reason behind Simon's words.

"I'm sorry," he finally apologised, "I know that this is hard for you as well. I'm just..."

"Afraid?" Simon finished for him with a slight smile. "I understand Jack. He is your world after all."

"Of course…" Jack sighed contently and shook his head as he watched Ralph relax when the pain lessened for a short while. The boy was so pale that his skin seemed almost translucent. But although his face was reddened and wet with his tears, sweat-soaked strands of hair sticking to his cheeks, he still seemed to touch something deep inside Jack.

"This is all my fault…"

"His suffering isn't your fault," Roger said as gently as he could, which surprised the chief as Roger wasn't really the comforting type, "I mean…you couldn't have known that he would get pregnant."

"Then why do I feel so _bad_, Roge? He doesn't deserve to suffer like this! And it is all my doing…"

"You have to be strong for him. He needs you more than ever now. Have some faith in him."

Jack paused then pressed a gentle kiss into Ralph's hair. He tried to soothe him when the pain receded and focused all of his energy on the shaking body in his arms, and now, finally, Simon smiled up at him.

"It's coming. Anytime now."

Jack almost collapsed with relief.

"Thank you" he breathed to Simon, "Thank you…" then he whispered to his lover, "Be strong my little Blue-Eyes, be strong."

The child sighed tiredly in response, his body relaxing for a moment until a new pain, worse than before, made his body convulse in Jack's arms and the cave was once again filled with his screams. Jack felt his heart tightening as he saw the look on Simon's face.

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

"It's coming out faster than I thought." He replied worriedly, "I need help…you!" he pointed at Roger.

Roger looked up, eyes wide, "_Me_?"

"Yes, you. I need you to hold the baby's head while I pull it out. _Hurry_!"

Roger immediately went over and assisted Simon in getting the baby out, whilst the cries of pain resumed. Sometimes Jack thought it would never end, that Ralph would die before the child was born. Robert watched, tears pouring down his face.

Somehow, although the time seemed to stretch infinitely, Ralph screamed one last time and then fell back into Jack's arms while Simon quickly removed his shirt and wrapped it around the newborn. Gently, he laid it into the trembling arms of Ralph and then smiled at Jack. "Congratulations, chief. You have a son."

"A son..." Jack repeated softly as he looked at the tiny being in rapt fascination, then gave Ralph a tender kiss. "You did it Ralph. You did it. Look how beautiful he is…"

Ralph smiled at their child, then, with a weary sigh, turned his face against Jack's chest and almost immediately succumbed to his exhaustion.

"Don't worry," Simon told Jack, "He's very weak, but he'll live. Let him rest."

He smiled when he realized that Jack had taken the child into his arms and was now gazing into the tiny face with so much wonder and love. Robert knelt beside him, gently stroking those dainty cheeks, gazing upon his gorgeous little 'cousin.'

Jack reached out an arm and gave Simon a hug, "Thanks for everything you've done. We could never have done it without you."

Poking his head around the cave entrance, Maurice sidled up to Roger, noticing his hands were still wet with Ralph's blood.

"Well, well, well." He retorted, "I never fancied you as a midwife." He gave him a nudge.

"I just delivered a baby…" Roger breathed before running outside and throwing up all over the rocks.


	23. Thomas Alexander Merridew-Finnegan

"Isn't he beautiful?" Jack said softly as the couple curled up together on the floor, "I've never seen anything more wonderful...well, besides you of course." He gave the blonde a kiss.

"He's gorgeous." Ralph said, carefully caressing the soft, dark reddish hair which lightly covered their son's head, "He has your hair."

"He has your eyes." Jack looked up and called to the outside of the cave, "Kids! Come and see your new baby brother!"

A few seconds later the littleuns entered cautiously, gathering around to catch a glimpse of the little face. The child blinked up at them with great curiosity, clamping onto Eric's hand the minute it was within reaching distance. The younger twin giggled.

"He's got a good grip."

"He's so _cute_!" Said Bill, stroking his cheek gently, "Hi there, Alexander Merridew-Finnegan."

Percival stared at him, "I thought we were calling the baby James."

"Nuh uh." Johnny shook his head, "As I recall, it was Raymond."

"It wasn't _Raymond_." SamnEric butted in, "It was definitely Atticus."

Tom raised his hand shyly, "I voted for Chief Jack the II…"

"Alright, alright, alright." Jack held up his hand before an argument could ensue, "Until we figure out a suitable name, from henceforth the baby is hereby known as Chief Alexander Raymond Atticus Jack James Merridew-Finnegan the II. Happy?"

"How about Thomas?"

All the heads craned over to Ralph, who still had his eyes on his precious child, smiling down at him.

"Thomas?" Eric said with an eyebrow raised.

"Thomas! That's like Tom!" Tom cried.

"I like Thomas. It was my grandfather's name." Said Ralph, "How does Thomas Alexander Merridew-Finnegan sound?"

Jack thought about it and then smiled, "Simple…yet distinguished. I like it."

"Well, at least that's sorted out now." Ralph said, sitting up properly, "Now who wants to hold the baby first?"

A series of hands went up, all at the same time.


	24. Sleeping issues

The first night with baby Thomas was –how you could say – an eventful one. By the end of the evening, Jack and Ralph had both learned something about their son. He hated sleep.

"C'mon Thomas…" Jack said, dangling one of Ralph's shell necklaces above the baby's head to catch his attention, "…you _must_ be tired by now."

Thomas watched the necklace with curious eyes and reached up to grab it, not realising that this device was being used in an attempt to lull him to sleep, not keep him awake any longer. Jack blinked as he began delicately sucking it, gurgling happily at his flustered father.

"Well, that's me out of ideas." Jack said, sitting back and sighing, "He's all yours Ralph."

The blonde sighed and took Jack's place next to Thomas, trying to think up a way of getting their son to sleep.

"Have you tried singing to him?" asked Robert.

"Yes."

"Maybe he's just not ready for sleep yet," suggested Johnny.

"He _should_ be," muttered Roger, "Not even a day old yet and already he's an insomniac. What luck, eh?"

"Shut up Roger." Snapped Jack, "Johnny's right. He'll just drift off when he wants to."

"He better get a move on then, because I'm worn out." Said Maurice.

Ralph didn't say anything. He sat beside the child in the cradle of leaves, gently stroking the little hand that reached for him so longingly. Soon he'd be walking and calling him "Mummy." The blonde could hardly wait.

"This is dumb." Roger said, getting up, "Why don't we just whack it over the head with a rock. Then it'll go to sleep!"

"Roger!" Jack turned around with a lightning force and glared murderous daggers at him, "If you ever say that again, you won't ever be having children!"

Roger walked up until they were nose to nose, "Was that a threat?"

"What if it was?"

"You wanna fight?"

"You haven't got the nerve."

Moments later, both boys were in the floor, tussling about like animals, trying to dominate each other. Simon and Ralph looked at each other and rolled their eyes, used to this type of rivalry between the two males.

"Get off me Roger!"

"Ouch Jack, not in the eye!"

"Don't put your bloody leg there!"

"There's no escape! Give up!"

"Never!"

"Hey!" Piggy suddenly hissed, "Look!"

Roger paused, currently on top of Jack tugging at his hair. Thomas' breathing had slowed down and his eyelids had fluttered shut as he puffed out soft, steady breaths, now miles away in dreamworld.

"What do you know?" Roger said, sitting down harder on the red-head's back, "He's sleeping."

"Get off me, you great lump!" Jack snapped, pushing Roger off the top of him. Luckily Ralph hadn't been paying much attention to his sudden weakness in physical strength as he was too busy gazing adoringly at his sleeping child. He himself seemed to be struggling to stay awake.

"Alright," Jack reached forwards and put his hands on Ralph's shoulders, "It's getting late. You should rest."

"But-"

"I mean it Ralph. You need some sleep. You're exhausted."

Ralph didn't protest, as he knew Jack was right; his body was worn out after the birth and sleep sounded like a godsend now. The pair went and curled up in the corner together; knowing that tomorrow was going to bring a whole new day of parenting. This was going to be interesting.


	25. Pig milk and seme Ralph

"Mum_my_." Percival whined, tugging at Ralph's sleeve, "I'm bored. Can you play with me?"

"Not now Percy." Ralph replied, gently rocking Thomas who was grizzling in his arms.

"What's wrong with Thomas?"

"He's hungry, love."

"What does he eat?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out." Said Jack, studying Ralph intensely.

"Babies drink milk." Simon said from the corner.

"Yeah, they suck it out of their mum's ti-"

"Thank you Roger!" Jack cut in, "Yes, they do, but in case no one has noticed, Ralph doesn't have any…you know what's."

"Well, since I don't have any _you-know-what's_, how am I going to get this baby fed?"

Maurice thought a moment, "What about pig milk?"

Piggy pulled a face, "_Pig_ milk?"

Jack shrugged, "Worth a try."

"Only trouble is," Roger stated, "Where're we going to get a pig that will be willing to volunteer some of its milk?"

Jack glanced towards Wemys Madison, then decided against it and thought about all the other pigs in the forest. There were plenty of sows about.

"Who fancies a spot of hunting?"

* * *

"I can't believe it." Roger muttered, pulling a face as he watched Simon feeding the infant, "I can't _believe_ he likes pig milk."

"It's better than him starving to death." Said Maurice, "It's lucky we managed to get a hold of that sow."

"Yeah. Too bad that boar came out of nowhere and slashed Jack in the back though." Said Robert, "You alright over there, chief?"

"What do _you_ think?" Jack snapped, currently draped over Ralph's knee whilst the blonde dabbed at the wound on his back to stop the bleeding, "Ah! Careful Ralph, that stings!"

"Quit squirming then, you're worse then Percival on bath night!"

Percival shuddered.

"And I thought Jack was the dominant one in the relationship." Roger muttered to Maurice.

"Hey! I am!" Jack called over.

He gasped as he felt a soft but sharp smack to his backside.

"You watch your mouth." Ralph said sternly like a mother, "Do you want me to clean this wound or not?"

Jack was mute, cheeks heating up as Maurice and Roger snickered in the background.

"Aww, bless the poor thing." Simon said out of the blue, gazing down at the baby in his arms, "The little angel's drifting off."

"Good." Said Jack, "At least we know what we can feed him now. That way we don't have to worry about – ow! Bloody hell Ralph!"

"Keep still then!" Ralph wet the torn off fabric from his own shirt sleeve and pressed it against the wound again, "I can't work miracles if you keep moving!"

"It hurts…" Jack mumbled.

"I know it hurts darling but that can't be helped. You can't take a blow like that from an adult boar and expect it to be painless."

"Very funny."

* * *

**A/N: Haha yes, some seme Ralph for ya XD He keeps his husband in line. Just wondering if anyone has any requests for future chapters. Anything to do with Thomas walking/talking/smiling for the first time or just some Ralph/Jack fluff. Just wondering Xx **


	26. Baby shower and womanly gossip

"Isn't he just _gorgeous_?" Simon squealed, lifting Thomas higher in his arms, "And of course he has his Mummy's beautiful eyes!"

Ralph's cheeks tinted pink, "Simon darling, you're too kind."

"Wasn't it a great idea having a baby shower?" Simon handed the now six-month-old Thomas over for Robert to make a fuss over, "I know you're supposed to have them before the baby's born but to hell with tradition."

"This rain water you collected for me has done wonders on my hair." Ralph said, running his fingers through his silky scalp, "It's like you can read my mind."

"No problem. But I owe it all to Robert really. _He's_ the expert."

"Look at them over there." Roger muttered to Jack, "Gossiping as always. It's like they've got nothing better to do."

"I know what you mean, but what can you do? It's all wive's talk." Said Jack, "Thanks for the gift by the way. I never knew mango was good for the skin when mixed with sea water."

"Don't thank me. Thank Maurice. How else do you think he gets his skin that soft? That stuff works wonders."

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know. I take this long to publish and then I write a really short chapter. Sorry, I've had schoolwork :L But no worries! I'm planning for some Jack and Ralph fluff in future chapters (and also some one-sided Maurice/Ralph.) ;D**


	27. Maurice's infatuation

"All alone?"

Ralph spun around, halfway through washing SamnEric's dirty clothes in the river, and stared into the amused eyes of Maurice.

"Maurice? What are you doing here?"

"Seeing how you were."

"Oh." Ralph's cheeks heated up slightly and he turned away to start washing again, "I'm fine. How have you been?"

"Coping."

At this, Ralph tried to ignore the wave of pain he felt pass between them. He tried to focus on getting the grass stains out of the twins' shirts but found his arms stopped working as he felt Maurice reach out and grasp his wrist.

"Maurice, what are you-?"

"Why did you leave Ralph?" He turned the blonde around so they were looking into each other's eyes, "We were so good together. What did I do wrong?"

Ralph sighed in frustration, "You did nothing _wrong_, Maurice. I just...I didn't..." He trailed off, unable to finish.

"I could have given you what you needed; all you had to do was ask me!"

"Maurice, you don't understand. We got on alright but...I love Jack. I've _always_ loved Jack."

Maurice looked wounded for a moment and then he muttered, "I want you back, Ralph."

"Maurice..." Ralph whispered in shock, trying to get away from the situation as fast as possible, but the older boy would not let him go. Instead he grasped both his wrists and pulled him closer so they were both touching.

"I love you Ralph." He whispered, starting to kiss that tender neck, "I have loved you since the day I first set eyes on you. I thought I could control my feelings but not any longer. I love you…"

"Maurice, stop it!" Ralph broke free, pulling himself away, "You don't know what you're saying!"

"Yes I do! I'm infituated!"

"You mean _infatuated_, Maurice."

"I want to be with you! I want to live with you, have kids with you!"

"Oh no you don't!" Ralph took a step back, "There's no _way_ I'm having more children!"

"You might change your mind after a while. We'll take each day as it comes."

Ralph glanced anxiously behind him. Why oh _why_ did Jack have to be out hunting at a time like this?

"I want you Ralph!" Maurice pushed forwards so they both ended up on the floor, "If you won't love me, I'll _make_ you."

"No, please don't!" Ralph gasped and tried to free himself of Maurice's arms, but the older boy's grip was stronger than he'd anticipated and the blonde could not break free, no matter how hard he tried. Finally he stopped struggling and closed his eyes in despair, breathing hard.

"I love you, Ralph."

"This is insane." Ralph muttered, "Help! Rape!"

"Sssh!" Maurice quickly covered his mouth, "They'll hear!"

"Please Maurice, let me go!"

"No until you love me!"

"You see this?" Ralph flexed his hand in front of the older boy's face, "This is a _wedding ring_. I've made a vow to be eternally faithful to Jack."

"You can make that same vow to me."

"_Maurice_-!"

"I love you Ralph." The tanned boy bent down and brushed his lips against the blonde, "You _will_ be mine..."

Ralph could no longer hold back his tears when he felt Maurice's mouth close over his lips in a rough and hungry kiss.

All of a sudden a small cry sounded from not too far away, making Ralph's eyes widen. As it continued, Maurice lifted his head and noticed Thomas lying in the shade where Ralph had placed him, disturbed by all the noise.

"My son is crying..." Ralph said quietly, "Please, let me go to him."

"He can wait."

"He needs his mother."

"_Mother_?" Maurice scoffed, "Is that what you call yourself?"

"Please, I'm begging you Maurice. Don't leave the child to cry. If I don't go to him, someone else will. They'll find us."

"Not until you say it."

Ralph's bottom lip trembled and he thought of Jack's face and allowed tears to leak out.

"I-I can't...I love Jack...no one else..."

Maurice purred, "Then I'll just have to_ make_ you, won't I?"

Ralph sobbed as Maurice bent down to kiss him again, only for him to freeze as an icy voice hit them both, chilling them to the bone.

"Get your filthy hands away from my wife."


	28. Maurice's punishment

Maurice did his best to stop shaking as he crouched on his knees below the chief, the entire tribe staring down at him. Jack was taller all of a sudden, about ten feet taller.

"Well tribe?" Jack addressed them all, "What do you propose we do with him?"

"Leave him to the pigs!"

"Put him on fire watch permanently!"

"I say we take all his clothes off and spank him in front of the littleun's."

Everyone turned and stared at Roger, eyebrows raised. The boy's cheeks flushed red.

"…Not that I'd want to see that happen…" he glanced at Simon guiltily, then diverted his eyes to the floor.

Jack turned back to Maurice, "How about banishment from the tribe for a week?"

Maurice's eyes widened, "No!"

"May _I_ make a proposal?" Ralph asked, going up and whispering into Jack's ear.

Jack's lips curled up into a smile, "I like it."

"What?" Maurice asked desperately, "What is it? Tell me!"

Jack stooped in front of him, "For attempting to deflower my chiefess, I hereby sentence you to forty-eight hours of community service. In other words, you are now in charge of bath time for approximately two nights running."

"Oh no, _anything_ but that!"

* * *

"Maurice! You got water in my eye again!" Percival whined, shaking his hair so water sprayed everywhere.

"Sorry Percival."

"Maurice, can I have some of that mango stuff mummy uses for her skin?"

"You're too young, Petey."

"Maurice, is it true you tried to 'deprive our mummy of her womanhood'? That's what Daddy told us."

"I'm going to _kill_ Jack for this..."


	29. First steps and first words

"C'mon Thomas! Come to Mummy!"

The baby stared at the blonde a while, then glanced up at Jack for approval before carefully easing himself up from the floor and toddling the short distance over to Ralph, who caught him up in his arms as soon as he was within arm's reach.

"Good boy! _Who's_ my good boy?"

The baby only giggled in reply.

"He's getting big." Piggy remarked from the corner.

"I can't believe he's walking already!" Simon squealed, "And such a handsome face he's got! Like his dad no doubt."

Jack smirked.

"You'd better be careful." said Roger, "Otherwise he'll go toddling off a cliff."

Ralph narrowed his eyes at him, "Very funny. _God_ Roger, you're such a-"

"Pig!"

Ralph stopped talking and turned, eyes as wide as saucers as he stared down at the baby on the floor.

"What did you say?"

"Pig!" Thomas shrieked with laughter and clapped his hands, "Pig, pig, pig!"

Roger flushed red. Maurice snorted with laughter.

"Where on _earth_ did he pick up a word like that?" Ralph said.

"Who cares? He spoke!" Robert went and lifted the infant in his arms, "Say it again Thomas! What's Uncle Roger?"

"Pig!" Thomas giggled, "Pig!"

"He has a point…" Simon muttered, yelping as Roger slapped him on the thigh.


	30. Awkward interruption

"Jack?"

"Mm-hm?"

"We should call the children back in."

"Aw, but it isn't dinner time yet."

"I know but…it's getting late. I don't feel comfortable with them being out after dark."

"Relax, Maurice and Robert are playing hide-and-seek with them. They'll be fine."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, just ten more minutes."

"Well…alright then."

They snuggled up closer to each other, basking in each other's body heat. It was a warm night, quite humid even.

Ralph waited a moment to ask the question, gently rubbing circles against Jack's chest. He needed to ask eventually; otherwise the question would eat at him for longer.

"Jack?"

The red-head had his eyes closed, "Mm?"

"…I've been thinking."

"About what?"

"…I want another baby."

"That's nice…" Jack muttered, drifting back into his sleeping state.

Then his eyes flared open and he sat up with a lightning force, "_What_?"

Ralph rolled his eyes, "I _said_, I want another baby."

"You…you want…_why_?"

"I don't know, I just do." Ralph rested his head on the chief's chest, "It'd be lovely for Thomas to have a little brother or sister."

"But…but…we have enough children."

"A few more won't hurt."

"It'll be a lot of work."

"I _love_ being a mother. I'd be more than happy to do it all over again."

"It…it…it means we'll have to _do it_ again!"

"What's wrong with that?"

Jack stared at him; face flushing redder than his hair.

"Well, nothing…I…"

Ralph put a finger on his lips.

"It's fine Jack." He said in a wistful voice, "I didn't mean to pressure you. It was just a thought. I'm sorry."

Jack watched as the blonde turned onto his side away from him and felt a twinge of guilt. He should have sensed Ralph wanted another child; he'd been floating around for days with an anxious look in his eye. The red head sighed and inhaled sharply.

"Let's do it."

Ralph opened his eyes and turned to the older boy, "You mean it?"

"I mean it. Let's have another baby. Like you said, couldn't hurt to have another little one running about the place."

"Oh, Jack!"

They started kissing, gently at first then getting more and more into it; until their tongues were colliding in each other's mouths. Ralph peeled off his shirt and pressed their chest together, feeling the rush return to his body as it had almost a year before. The same feeling, when your heart is racing a mile a minute and down below suddenly grows warm.

Jack carefully undid his trousers and slid them off and soon both of them were in only their underwear, the pigskin they used for a blanket their only protection. They kissed without stopping to breathe. It was like another dream come true.

And slowly, but surely, the underwear came off.

* * *

"Jack! Ralph! Come quick! The littleun's were playing hide-and-seek and it was all going great but then a giant pig came out of nowhere and we- oohhh my God."

Roger skidded to a halt as soon as he saw the sight before him, glad that the graphic areas of their bodies were hidden under the pigskin they used for a blanket. Let's just say Jack was on top of Ralph – and there was a lot of thrusting going on. The blonde opened his eyes, gasping with pleasure, only for it to turn to horror within a matter of seconds.

"_Roger_!" He screamed.

"Jeez!" Jack leapt off the top of Ralph so he was lying next to him, "Ever heard of a thing called _knocking_!?"

"Roger, are Mummy and Daddy coming-?" Bill was cut off as Roger thrust his hand over his eyes to spare him from the shocking image before them both.

"For God's sake, what is it?" Jack snapped at the boy in front of him, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a little _busy_." He motioned at Ralph, who was putting his clothes back on.

"Well, while you guys were 'sexing it up,' we were running for our lives from some insane pig that seemed hell bent on destroying us and consuming our bones!"

"_What_?" Jack said, "When?"

"Just a minute ago!"

"My baby…" Ralph went pale and sped towards Roger, "Where's my baby?"

"Now Ralph, calm down-"

"Roger, where is my baby?" The blonde seized his shoulders and started shaking him.

"Relax, Thomas is _fine_." Roger caught his hands, "Simon has him. But we can't find Petey. We've searched everywhere."

"We need to put a bloody leash on that boy." Jack muttered, slipping his trousers back on, "That's it. As soon as we find him, he's getting a good walloping. That'll teach him not to wander off."

Ralph put his hands on his hips, "Over my dead body you will!"

"Can we choose another time to argue about the proper way to discipline the children?" Roger interrupted, "Petey's gone and we need to look for him before nightfall."

"The beast might get him." Bill said worriedly.

"The beast…?" Ralph looked set the faint on the spot.

"It's alright Ralph." Jack went up behind him and rubbed his shoulders soothingly, "We'll find him. We always do. We'll search the beach first."

"Good." Said Roger, "Though if I were you, I'd do up your fly first."


	31. Search for Petey

"You were doing _what_?"

"I swear, we were only gone ten minutes! We thought they'd be alright by themselves!" Robert said in a shaky voice.

"Let me get this straight." Jack glowered at he and Maurice, "You left my kids alone and unprotected while you and your accomplice went off to play _tonsil tennis_!?"

Maurice's cheeks flushed red, "I can assure you, it was only a two minute snog."

Jack slapped his hand against his forehead, "That's besides the point! Now because of you, Petey's probably been eaten by pigs!"

Ralph stared at him in horror.

"Will everyone _please_ try and calm down?" Roger snapped, "Look, we'll split up and look for him separately. My lot will search the beach and Piggy's lot will search the forest. He does this all the time. We'll find him. Now let's move it people!"

Jack sighed and sat himself onto a rock, "Bloody hell, Petey…"

As the others rushed off into the forest calling the little boy's name, Robert hung back and eyed Jack nervously.

"I'm sorry chief…"

The red-head looked at his hands, "S'alright. I suppose it wasn't really your fault..." he looked up, eyes pained, "...just...bring him home, okay?"

Robert gave a half smile and quickly followed the others.

* * *

"Can we go and look for Petey too, Mama?" Percival asked.

"Not on your life." Ralph held onto him tightly, "I don't need anymore of you missing."

"Uncle Roger'll find him, won't he Mama?" said Bill.

Ralph's eyes flickered, "Yes, dear."

He looked up when Jack entered, but the chief's expression was anything but hopeful.

"Any sign of him?"

"No. They're done searching the beach. He's not in the forest."

"Oh God…"

Jack went and sat next to the blonde, Percival sidling up beside him.

"Is Petey going to be okay, Daddy?"

Jack didn't reply. He simply ran his fingers through the littleun's hair thoughtfully. The entrance of Roger and the others alerted them all and they waited eagerly for their news. Roger was pale.

"Well?" Jack asked.

Glancing at Robert, Roger walked forwards and outstretched his hand, "We found this by the rocks…"

Ralph took the object from his hand and felt tears welling up in his eyes as he looked down upon the shell necklace he'd given Petey almost a year ago for his birthday; the necklace that Petey never took off. The shell was now cracked and the vines holding it together snapped in half.

Ralph cast a look at Jack and broke down.


	32. Jack's sorrow

Jack was keeping watch of the fire for once; watching as the flames danced around then suddenly disappeared into the night sky. He was troubled, his mind conflicted. Visions of Petey's face mauled by the beast haunted him. He'd scrubbed off his war paint and now looked more child-like than ever. He barely noticed Ralph approaching.

"The children are in bed. The baby's asleep. I need to get their spears done by tomorrow otherwise-" the blonde noticed Jack's expression, "What's wrong?"

The chief shook his head and turned away, only for a thumb and forefinger to seize his chin and turn his face back towards the familiar pair of eyes.

"Jack…?"

"I'm a fool, Ralph." Jack replied in a low voice, "A thoughtless, idiotic fool."

Ralph looked startled, "What are you talking about?"

"I let him wander off." He hunched up, resting his chin on his knees, "He's probably dead now and it's all my fault."

"Don't say that." Ralph felt his eyes glass over, "It's no one's fault, you didn't know-"

"What kind of a father am I? What kind of a father loses his own baby?"

"Jack-"

"I'm useless to you Ralph. I'm a useless chief, a useless husband and a useless father. I deserve to die."

"Jack..." Ralph sobbed, "Stop it, I won't listen-"

"Why do you stay, Ralph?" Jack turned to Ralph with wet eyes, "I'm no use to you. All I ever do is get things wrong."

Ralph's eyes went damp as he gently caressed the tear stained face, "You _idiot_. I _love _you Jack Merridew. Your _children_ love you. You're a great chief, and a great leader. It's not your fault Petey's missing; don't think that for a minute!"

Jack stared at him, as if all the life had been taken from him.

"You're so good to me…and I don't even deserve it." The tears overflowed and he hid his face in Ralph's neck, "Why do you _bother_ with me?"

"Jack…"

Unable to speak without being choked, Ralph merely held the red head in his arms and they shared a sleepless night; both tortured by the vile images and gnashing teeth that taunted their minds.


	33. Vertigo

Two days went by and Petey still hadn't been found.

Ralph was in a mess, none of the littleuns were eating and above all, the chief was in a different world. He'd spent the last two days curled up in the cave, his head on Ralph's lap whilst the blonde gently stroked his hair. Roger and the others set off every morning to search for the littleun, but they always came back unsuccessful.

Then one morning Piggy came hurtling in at full speed, startling the others awake.

"For God's sake, Fatty." Jack mumbled against Ralph's chest, eyes red from crying the previous night, "Go and exercise somewhere else, we're trying to sleep."

Piggy put his hands on his knees, wheezing heavily, "Not…exercising…" he gasped, "…found….Petey."

Ralph sat up, "You what? _Where_?"

"He's on the cliff edge…Roger's trying to…get him now."

"The cliff edge?!" Ralph hands thrust over his mouth, "Oh God!"

"I need to get back." Piggy turned and started jogging back out of the cave.

"Wait up, Fatty! I'm coming too!" Jack threw back the pigskin he and Ralph shared as a blanket.

"Jack-"

"You can't stop me Ralph; I'm going to get our kid!"

"_Jack_-"

"If I die, tell the others I love them!"

"Jack, you aren't wearing any trousers!"

* * *

"Petey! Listen very carefully! Do _not _let go!"

The littleun nodded and tightened his hold on Roger's wrists, knees shaking as he felt the rock beginning to give way beneath him. The older boy nodded at Robert who puts his arms around his waist and began to pull. Just as he'd got a grip, the rock gave way beneath the littleun and he screamed as if fell and landed in the sea below. Shocked by the weight, Roger slipped forwards and Maurice had to spring out and grab Robert's waist before the both of them went over to join Petey.

"Bloody hell Roger." Robert gasped, "Have you _weighed _yourself lately?"

"Uncle _Roger_, my arms hurt." Petey whined.

"Roger, I don't think I can hold on much longer." Maurice grimaced.

"Will you lot shut up and let me think!?" Roger's vision began to go blurry as he stared down at the drop below him, "Holy cats, I've just remembered something."

"What?"

"I have vertigo."

"Well thanks for telling us Roge!"

"I'm back!" Piggy reached the top of the cliff, panting.

"That's all we need." Roger huffed, "Look Fatty, make yourself useful and grab Maurice will you? And on the count of three we pull, you got that?"

They all glanced at each other then replied quite plainly, "Yes."

"Alright. One, two-"

"What's going on?"

"Jack?" Maurice and Robert leaped in surprise and accidentally let go of Roger, catching him before he fell over the edge.

"What's going on up there?!" He yelled at them.

"Jack's here!"

"Well don't just stand there! Help us pull! I do _not_ want to spend the rest of my days sitting on a cloud playing a harp, thank you very much!"

After twenty minutes or so, with one final tug they managed to pull Petey to safety and they all ended up in a heap on the ground. The littleun poked his head out of the pile and grinned up at the bemused red-head.

"Hi daddy."


	34. Jack's reminder

"So what happened Petey?" Percival asked.

Petey shifted on Ralph's lap and went over the past few days in his little head, "Well, when we were playing hide-and-seek, I saw this really cute little chipmunk in the grass."

"Oh no." Roger glanced at Wemys Madison, "You haven't brought _another_ animal home have you?"

"I followed it until it went up a tree and then I was lost, so I remembered what daddy said we should do if we ever got lost in the forest – I found a bush and made shelter there."

Ralph raised his eyebrow at Jack who blushed and shrugged.

"I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up it was morning. I was still lost so I started looking round the forest and then this giant pig came out of nowhere."

Bill gasped, "What did you do?"

"I ran. But it chased me all the way up to the cliff and then…well, I fell onto the ledge and I've been there ever since."

"We called for you." Robert said, "Why didn't you answer?"

Petey bent his head in shame, "I thought the cliff would break if I yelled too loud."

"Petey, you dope." Jack went and crouched in front of him, "We thought we'd lost you. Next time we call you, you answer. _Promise_?"

"Promise."

"Thank God _that's_ over." Roger muttered, "C'mon, I'm starving. Let's go catch a pig and have dinner."

Petey made a move to go after them, when Jack caught his wrist.

"Just a second mister. I'm not finished with you yet."

* * *

"It's good to have you back Petey." said Tom.

"Yeah, we were worried you'd been eaten by the beast," said Bill.

"Thanks," said Petey, giving Tom a hug, "It's nice to be back home."

"There's just one thing Pete." Said Johnny.

"What's that?"

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down? Chinese whispers is a tad difficult game standing up."

"I don't think that'll be possible." Petey reached back and rubbed his sore backside, "Daddy said I wouldn't be sitting down for a week after he was done with me and he was right. That's the last time I wander off again."


	35. Ralph drops a bombshell

Ralph tried hard to suppress his grin but found it almost impossible. He watched Jack, who was busy skinning a pig and carefully snuck up behind him.

"Darling?"

"Yeah?" The red-head said without looking up.

"I have something to tell you…"

"What's that?" Jack held up the pig skin and examined his work.

Ralph snuck his hands around his waist and whispered into his ear.

"I'm pregnant again."


	36. Here we go again

**A FEW YEARS LATER.**

"Jack! Are you coming hunting or not?" Roger called into the cave.

"Yeah, I'm coming! Give me a minute!" The red-head emerged minutes later with a now three-year-old Thomas running after him.

"Are we going to get those pigs daddy?" The toddler asked, shaking his miniature spear.

"Course we are. When has your dad ever let you down?" He ruffled the child's dark red hair and turned back to the cave, "C'mon Hamish! You're lagging behind again!"

A small blonde haired baby came crawling out of the cave seconds later, accompanied by his 'mother.' Hamish Merridew-Finnegan was the exact replica of Ralph; though he had his father's faint freckles and light skin. He was less than a year old but already a fast crawler, and took to following his older brother Thomas around everywhere.

"Look who's getting big." Robert caught Hamish up in his arms, "He's shaping into a proper warrior, eh Jack?"

"Are you _sure_ he's old enough to go hunting?" Ralph eyed the infant uneasily.

"Course he is." Jack caught the blonde in his arms, "Those pigs don't know what they've got coming. Hamish Benjamin Merridew-Finnegan will be the best hunter of us all – besides Thomas of course."

"You better not lose my babies Jack."

The chief smiled and gave him a peck on the lips, "You can rely on me, kitten."

"Alright you lot." Roger gathered the littleuns (who were now really biguns) in a line, "Keep together and have no mercy on those pigs. Rest assure they will have no mercy on you."

"Roger?" Simon whispered, tugging at his shoulder, "Can I talk to you?"

"Can't it wait baby?" Roger hissed, "I'm working."

"It'll only take a second."

"Fine, fine, what is it?"

Simon took a deep breath, looking the older boy directly in the eye. His lips stretched into an excited grin.

"I'm pregnant!"

* * *

"Roger?" Jack's voice had an echo, "What _happened_?"

"I dunno, he just blacked out." Said Robert.

"Is he _dead_?" Percival asked worriedly.

Ralph snorted, "No, no, he just fainted."

Roger opened his eyes and found Maurice squatted beside him, fanning him with a leaf. He was propped up beside the cave wall and everyone was staring at him, much to his annoyance.

"Wha…what happened?"

"You fell on your face Uncle Roger!" said Bill.

"Yeah, right on your face! Like this!" Petey punched his fist, miming the impact.

Roger felt the bump forming of his brow and groaned.

"What'd you black out for?" Jack asked as he and Ralph helped the older boy to his feet.

"I…I…" He glanced at Thomas and Hamish who were staring up at him curiously, "…baby…"

"Roger darling! I didn't tell you the best part!" Simon looked set to explode with excitement, "I think it's _twins_!"

"Oh God, Ralph get a blanket! He's blacking out again!"

* * *

**The end :3**


End file.
